Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Here We Go Aagin??????

It has been a really long time since I have written here. I don't know if anyone still stops by now.
I will give a quick update before I get to the real reason I am writing again, after all this blog has a theme we wouldn't want to stray from!!!LOL!!!
First things first.... I am finally going to be a grand ma!!!!!!! I can't wait!!!! Stephanie and Michael are expecting their first baby in February!!!! We will find out Oct. 12  if it is a boy or girl!!!! It is so exciting!!!! I at first thought it was a boy but now I am feeling girl....I don't really care....I just want a grand baby!!!! I guess if I could pick I would pick boy, only because my first child was a boy and he has been out of the house and married for over ten years, I have still had the girls here, so it has been a while since we have had a boy around. But let me say I will be happy with which ever the Lord blesses us with!!!! I did spot a cabbage doll in a store awhile back. Cabbage Patch dolls were the big item when Stephanie was little. One of those things that you practically had to fight to get because there was more demand than there were dolls. I had bought Stephanie one that had long dark curly hair like her. Well, I couldn't resist when I saw it this time, so I had to buy it. It has long, dark, curly hair too!!!! If my grand baby is a girl I will give it to her if not then maybe next time?????? I have struggle with what I want to be called. I wanted Mammy, but that is what my sister's hundred and fifty grand babies call her!!! Punky likes Granna, I kind of like Meme!!!! What do you think?
I would love for you to give me ideas and suggestions on what I should be called. Please let me know in the comment section here or if you are shy you could email me. I would love to hear some options!! Also I would love to hear from anyone who has been in the store since the remodel!!! Let me know what you think and I will pass it on to Wendell, He would love to hear what you think about everything and any suggestions you might have!!!
Wendell ended up keeping the store and running it himself. He remodeled it all spring and summer and is pretty much through now. Well, he has stopped for now, there is still a few things needed to be done, but for the most part he is through. He moved the deli into the dining room and out of the store area. He moved the cash register section to where the deli was and added fountain drink machines where the cash register originally was. It looks good and we have had a lot of positive feedback. We also, finally, was able to purchase a soft serve ice cream machine, which is a huge hit!!!! It serves eight different flavors and vanilla. I have literally gained ten pounds!!!! I can't stay away from the butter pecan, it's amazing!!!!  I will try to post pictures of the changes soon. If you live locally come on in and get breakfast, lunch or dinner and an ice cream for dessert!!!! I really believe you will love it and won't be sorry you stopped by!!!!
Now on to the original reason for this blog....my health....cancer. This past Sunday was two anniversaries for me...Wendell and my twenty third wedding anniversary and the third anniversary since my last radiation treatment!!!! Yeah for both!!!!
My worst fear ever was not that the cancer would return, but that it would return on my tongue. That thought is terrifying to me. The first week in August Wendell, me and the girls went to Destin for our annual vacation. We usually always go in May, which I originally had reservations for, but had to change them till August, because, Wendell was head over heels into the store renovations. My throat and tongue were sore before we left but the pain only got worse as time went on. Then one night I had got up because I was really hurting and went into the bath room to investigate. My mouth was not opening very much at all, probably less than half an inch. I was having to squish food in order to get it into my mouth. It was really hard to see in there, but I saw what appeared to be a lump on my tongue. It was one of those things that I really couldn't be sure if it was or wasn't there. I immediately became terrified and began to pray. That morning I had Wendell make me an appointment to see Dr. Seifker, The doctor that treated me in October of 2009, right after I had finished my radiation and the Crabtrees and us went to Destin. I ended up in the hospital down there with what could have became a life threatening infection. If you want you can read about that experience in a blog post I wrote on October 17, 2009. You can access it by going to the bottom of this blog and clicking on  "October 2009 and then looking for the post written on the 17th. I haven't figured out how to post a link. Sorry :(  Anyway, Wendell and I went to Dr. Seifker's office on Wednesday or Thursday of that week I don't remember the day for certain. Dr. Seifker ran a camera up my nose and down my throat to look for any adnormalities, there were none there!!!Yeah!!! He had to stick the camera in my mouth to be able to see anything because my mouth just would not open very wide. He was very concerned with my teeth. The few I have left are all broken and rotten. He could not believe our health insurance will not pay for the dental work I need done, that will cost me over $30,000.00 dollars, that I, of course, do not have!!! He said my sore tongue was a result of my teeth being in such bad shape. He said it was definately not cancer. He gave me a steroid shot in the hip and a presciption for a steriod and one for an antibiotic. We left there relieved. Well, our vacation came to an end after a week of rain every day :( We returned home and my mouth becan to open wider than it has in years. We believe it was a result of the steroid shot I had recieved. Anyway, I could see in my mouth a lot better and the lump I thought I saw began to get a little more noticible. I started to get a little uneasy again. When I showed it to Wendell he said he could not see anything. I finally showed it to Kiah and she said she could see what I was talking about. As time went on I couldn't get it off my mind. As I said at the beginning of this paragraph, the cancer returning on my tongue has always been my worst fear ever. After some time I showed it to my daughter-in-law, Misty, she said she could definately see what I was talking about. By this time it had grown to the point where Wendell also could not deny it was there. On other occasions I had gone to an ENT in knoxville that I usualy ended up seeing the nurse practitioner. I was not confident seeing him but I had tried to make an appointment and it would have been over a month before I could see the actual doctor. Wendell made me an appointment with Dr. Netterville in Nashville. Wendell at that time and even now thinks I should listen to Dr. Seifker adn also what Dr. Netterville said and forget about it. But I can't. I can't stop thinking, "Why do I have a lump on my tongue? No one I know has ever had a lump on there tongue." I will admit I am scared. We went to Dr. Netterville and because this post is getting so long and I still have more to say I will not go into that whole visit I will just tell you the result, Dr. Netterville said it was not cancer. He came to this conclusion by looking into my mouth that had returned to hardly opening, and by trying to stick his finger in there and touch it. His hand is big and I feel he could not adequitely touch it. He said when he rubbed it one way it felt like a tumor but when he rubbed it in the oposite direction it felt like a wrinkle!!! I left there acting as if I was satisfied with his diagnosis but I definately was not. As time has gone on ....Wendell still thinks I am crazy for worring and should leave it alone because after all two experts, Dr. Seifker and Dr. Netterville have said it is not cancer. I went to my family Dr. for my monthly visit and I told him about it. He looked and said if it was him he would definately want it biopsied. His office made me an appointment with an ENT in Knoxville who I have went to see. This new ENT saw another spot he was very concerned about on the bottom of my tongue which is the source of the soreness. This ENT said if he were me he would definately want both places biopsied. So I have an appointment to go at 6:00 am on October 5, to have them biopsied. They will have to do it in a surgery setting. They will intabate me through my nose since my mouth does not open. It will be a quick procedure if nothing goes wrong. My appointment is on a Friday and he said I would know the results that day, but I asked his nurse, on another visit, and she said it will be that next Monday before I get the results. So this is where I am at this time....in limbo....scared, at times terrified.
I am very interested in what you think. Should I leave it alone and foget about it? If it were you what would you do? I would love to hear truthful opinions, not what you think I would want to hear, what you truely think.
I know God has not changed, He is still in control. I need His grace probably now more than I ever have. Please pray for me. I must admit I am scared. I know what having cancer on your tongue can lead to and it is not a good outcome. I never prayed, the first time for God to take this "cup" from me, but I have prayed for Him to take this "cup" from me this time. But if that it not His will, that He will give me the Grace I need to go where this might lead.
Well after all this time, this is where I am. This is my update!!!!!! If you are still out there and reading this please let me know I am not alone and leave me a comment or email. You all made it soooo much easier last time not only for me but for Wendell also!!!