Appointments

Wendell went for his surgery to correct the root canal he had two years ago. He was pretty nervous about it on the drive to Crossville and so was I. I kept thinking about how I would have been physically sick if it was me instead of him. It was strange to me, thinking about how I hadn't felt that bad driving to any of my own surgeries. Then it dawned on me, I had known I was going to be put to sleep for mine, he was just numbed!!!! OUCH!!!! I went back with him but watched very little. The doctor said he would not experience much pain afterwards. Boy was he wrong. Shortly after arriving back home he was in incredible pain, and was, even after medicine, for most of the day. Yesterday he was swollen but feeling a lot better.

I woke up not wanting to make the drive to Nashville yesterday, but Wendell insisted we go and wouldn't let me cancel the appointment :( I couldn't help thinking, during the drive and the wait, how wonderful it was to be there without that sick feeling of doom in the pit of my stomach. I had made the appointment for 8:45 am hoping to avoid the normal 3-4 hour wait to be seen. We arrived around 8:30 and left the parking garage at 12:00!!!! Dr Netterville and his wonderful nurse, Jill, could not get over how well I look. They just kept commenting on it which really lifted my spirits and made me feel really good. I asked Dr. Netterville what he thought of my chances for a recurrence. His only answer to that was... it is unusual for this cancer to spread to the lymph nodes and he has felt as if mine showed up in that one lymph node, on the PET scan, (it was in three, I think, but was only visible in one), to give me more incentive to have the reconstruction surgery. He wanted to do the reconstruction surgery because he felt as if it would give me a much better quality of life. So I didn't really get a clear answer to my question but he did release me and said he hopes he never sees me again unless it was out on the street in Knoxville while shopping or something like that. I know the Lord led Wendell and I to Dr. Netterville as an answer to the many prayers that were being prayed for us. Dr. Netterville kept saying how glad he is that I am alive!!!! I honestly believe it is by the grace of God and through seeking His will, and trying desperately to follow His will, that I did survive and am alive!!!! I also believe Dr. Netterville is a good christian man and that it is truly his desire to be used to heal people and help to give them the best quality of life as possible. I know he has a deep heart felt desire to heal and help those who come to him. His "bed side manner" is remarkable!!!! If anyone ever needs a wonderful Otolaryngologist, Head and Neck Surgeon, Dr. Netterville is in the top 5 in the country. To me he is the best of the best!!!

I have a PET Scan scheduled for January 10, 2011. This will be the first one in six months. I have no visible signs of a recurrence. I have had to adapt to a new way of life and have some physical limitations but this has all became a "new normal" way of life for me and nothing too overwhelming that I can't deal with. My only real physical complaints would be the ever present bone pain and the overwhelming fatigue. Even with these two "ailments" I am extremely happy and blessed to be alive as we get ready to say goodbye to 2010 and welcome in the beginning of 2011!!!! I hope and pray that the PET scan will be "clean" and 2011 will begin on an upbeat.

Say A Little Prayer For Wendell!!!

I had forgot, until receiving a "reminder" phone call last night, that I have an appointment with Dr. Netterville in Nashville, this Thursday at 8:45 am. It has almost been a year since I last saw him. Wow, how time has flew!!!! Unless I have a problem I will just be seeing him once a year for the next several years. Like I said in the last post, I credit God leading us to Dr. Netterville, (and the prayers that went up on my behalf that actually gave us the wisdom to seek the medical help we were able to find), as the reason I have survived and done so well. Dr. Netterville was very thorough in removing the cancer and taking wide margins to help insure getting all the cancer. I still remember the shock of seeing the gigantic hole in my palette after the first surgery. It was amazing how by June, and my second cancer surgery, the healing process had caused the hole to close quite dramatically. I remember my difficulties with the obturator, getting it in and out, with my mouth opening so little. I had actually got to where I seldom even wore it before I had the second surgery. I had learnt how to eat and drink without using it. I can still direct liquids out my nose if I want!!! Anyway... I praise God for allowing me to go almost a year without having to make that long drive to Nashville!!!! I am not anticipating any bad news this trip, as far as I can tell I am doing great. I can not see any sign of a recurrence.

Wendell has an appointment with an oral surgeon tomorrow. He had a root canal 2 years ago that has never felt quite right. He woke up about two weeks ago with a terrible tooth ache. He went to his dentist who took x-rays and discovered that the root canal was not as thorough as it should have been. So, he went back to the doctor who had done the root canal, he saw the problem and is going to repair it tomorrow. He will be undergoing a minor surgery. They say it sounds worse than it actually is ....we'll see!!! They will have to slice open his gum and go in that way!!! YUCK!!!! I think Wendell is a little nervous about it. I can't blame him!!! I NEVER went to the dentist. I have always been scared to death of a dentist. I use to joke that I would rather go through the labor of having a baby than to have to go to the dentist and get a filling!!!! Isn't it ironic how things have a way of turning out? Of all the different forms of cancer, I ended up with oral!!!!Heeeheee!!!!

Please remember to say a little prayer for Wendell in the morning, and also that the Lord will grant us travelling mercies Thursday as we make the trip to Nashville.

I hope everyone has a blessed week!!!

We Have Enjoyed A Very Blessed Christmas

I hope everyone has had a safe, healthy, blessed Christmas!!! We have at our house!!!! We actually had a white Christmas, the first one, I think they said, since 1976!!!! It is beautiful!!! It started snowing late on Christmas Eve and is still snowing off and on here tonight.

We had our annual store Christmas party on Sunday, December 18th. I love throwing this party. I have so much fun preparing and actually giving the party. It is the one time a year we are actually able to do something a little special for our employees. We have a great group of people working with us at the store. I could never thank them enough for all they did for us during the time I was so sick and going through treatments. They all worked whenever needed and took over and ran the store in the times when Wendell was with me and couldn't be there.

Our fellow workers: Punky, Jonathan, Jess, Shana, Justin, Wendell, Spot, Kiah, Me and Lindsey. Aunt Linda had left before we took the picture and two others, Kayla and Dexter, were unable to attend.



I was browsing through my pictures and found this one of me, a year ago at the store party. What a difference a year can make!!! How good the Lord has been to me!!!

We celebrated Christmas with our kids and close family on Thursday, December 23rd.

Punky, Stephanie, Michael, Renee, Misty, Josh, Mikiah, Me and Wendell.

We celebrated Christmas with Wendell's side of the family on Christmas Eve at my mother-in-laws house. I failed to take any pictures there :( We all had a really good time.

Then on Christmas Day we celebrated with my side of the family here at my house. We had 31 here!!! We were missing 14 others that are usually here. My living room was packed but everyone seemed ok with it and we all had a great time. The food was delicious as usual. My Dad fried the turkey and I baked the ham, Teresa made the dumplings and Misty made the sweet potato casserole then everyone else cooked and brought other dishes and desserts, It was all wonderful!!! No one went away hungry!!!!

This is a picture of my kids and Teresa's boys. Rachel, Teresa's daughter was unable to be here, one of her children were sick :(

Seth, Punky, Stephanie, Josh, Kiah, Malachi, Jason, Lucas and Aaron.

All and all, we had a wonderful Christmas this year. My family has been blessed with health this year which is one of the biggest blessings we could hope for. As this year draws to an end I am thankful for the Lord's blessings on my family this past year. 2009 and 2010 have been the hardest years we have gone through. There have been many ups and downs both physically and emotionally. We have faced trials that we could not have imagined would come our way. Kiah dealt with a diagnosis of Histoplasmosis, and the treatments that followed. She went from 20/20 vision, to off the charts, worse than 20/400. She endured injections in her eye and has came out with 20/20 vision once again, which is pretty much miraculous!! To God be the Glory!!! Then my Mother unexpectedly passing away the day before my first cancer surgery. Then, I have dealt with the oral cancer diagnosis and the surgeries, radiation and chemo that followed. My Mother-in-Law and I were discussing the other day the fact that I have came through it all so well when so many others have not. We both agreed that it was due to the fact that the Lord led us to Dr. Netterville, one of the best ENT surgeons in the country, and the fact that sooooo many people have prayed for me!!!! I am still in awe of how so many people prayed for me, friends, family, aquaintances, and many many people I have never even met!!! God sure has been good to me and my family.

I sincerely hope everyone reading this has also had a wonderful Christmas filled with family, health, good food and most importantly the Love of God. As I think about the upcoming new year my mind becomes a little leary thinking of the unknown journey that lies before us in 2011. No matter what may come our way, I know by and through the Grace of God, all will be well. What ever our future holds, it is such a comfort knowing that our future is held in His hands!!!

Some Embarrassing Health Issues

I wake up each morning and role out of bed, to actually sit up and bend, after sleeping, is almost impossible these days. The bone pain, although it seemed as if it was going to be controlled with the new medications my doctor had prescribed for me, has returned with a vengeance. I hobble out of the bedroom each morning and down the hall, never lifting my feet, just shuffling across the floor, standing slightly un-erect, bent at the waist, like an eighty year old man!!! The kids find this new posture of mine rather humorous!!! It is repeated time and again throughout the day after sitting for awhile or riding in the car. I go from the bed to my recliner, in the mornings, where I spend 45 minutes to an hour, putting off taking the first dose of meds for the day, knowing the earlier I take them, the earlier they will wear off and loose their effectiveness. Once I give in and take the medication, within fifteen to twenty minutes, I am able to function fairly normal for most of the day. If I let my mind run untamed, I find myself wondering about this bone pain and it's source. Is it a result of chemo? radiation? arthritis? aging? cancer? I am scheduled for a PET Scan the first of January. It will have been six months since my last. This is my first six month span, I was going for one every three months previously. My mouth still opens only about a half inch at it's best and less than that often times. The less opening I have, the worse my speech is. It is hard to eat at times when my opening is small. Not only does it make it difficult to get the food in, it is also hard to get the food to fit between my teeth to chew. This can be quite comical at times but also quite embarrassing when eating out at a restaurant. My table manners appear less than appropriate. I carry plastic spoons in my purse to use when eating out. Wendell and I have one particular restaurant that we love to frequent when the kids are not with us. It's a nice dimly lite restaurant with fancy decor and cloth napkins!!!heehee!!! It's quite fun waiting to see the expression on the waiters face when I pull out my plastic spoon to eat with. I haven't used metal utensils since my first cancer surgery, the sound and feel of my teeth scraping across the metal is more than I can bear!!! It is even more fun when my opening is small, which in turn makes my speech pretty bad, and I order from the menu utilizing my abnormal speech and then pull out my little plastic spoon!!!! The waiters kind of look at Wendell differently after that!!! It's almost as if they have a new found respect for this man, out with this woman, with a less than normal mental capacity!!! Oh well, what can I say? This too I have to laugh about!!!! After all what good would any alternative do for me? On days when my opening is at least a half inch allowing my speech to be better, most strangers I come in contact with, think I am from a foreign country.
One health issue that I have failed to talk about in any of my blog posts, I once again experienced this morning. It's a very embarrassing, not to mention unpleasant, issue to experience or to talk about. That is why I have failed, or I guess more accurately "chosen not" to speak about it here on this blog. It is worse than any of the surgeries I have had, more painful than all the radiation I received, makes me more nauseated than the chemo ever did. That is why I decided to finally speak of it here in the hopes of saving someone else from ever having this problem. I know it is a side effect of the new medication I am taking. So if anyone else has started taking or have changed any of the meds they were taking, I just wanted to give you a little heads up on a possible side effect that you can take precautions to prevent. Well I guess at this point you may be a little curious? It's constipation. This is the second time I have had it to an extreme point. I won't go into great detail here but when I am in the throws of it's violent grip, I find myself thinking of Elvis!!!! I have honestly felt my heart stop beating, I was told by a nurse that it could actually be happening, caused by my Sciatic nerve. Today after about seven hours I finally got relief. By then I was running a temperature of 100.1 and just feeling miserable!!!! It is something that if you have never experienced to an extreme degree, you can not possibly understand.
It's hard sometimes, living in a body that doesn't function as it should. When my mind, although disputed by some :), functions normally, it's hard to deal with the effects of a less than normal functioning body. I couldn't hold back the emotions, I am normally so could at controlling, today.
I broke down sobbing in front of Punky today. I couldn't hold it back and even my will or resolve to hold it back just disappeared. My strong exterior became non existent today. I felt as if I had had all I could endure. I hate doing that. I hate placing that burden on my children. I realize how helpless they must feel. She went in the other room and I heard her dial the phone, Wendell arrived shortly after that. Wendell...what more can I say about him.....he has endured so much....more than a husband should ever have to...but oh how I thank God for letting Wendell be my husband. When he is taking care of me I feel so safe.
Once again, tonight as I write this, looking back over my day, I can still say Thank-You God for your marvelous grace!!!!

A Greater Opportunity To Tell Of God's Grace

As I have mentioned many times before, in various blog posts, I started this blog mainly to keep friends, family and acquaintances informed as to how I am doing as I dealt with my diagnosis. Call me somewhat selfish, I know, but I figured the more people who knew about my condition the more people would remember to keep me in their prayers :) I also felt from the beginning that God has a purpose to everything He allows to come into our lives. As I have walked this path my family and I have learned to lean on Him more than we ever have in our lives. I felt from the very beginning of this journey that I would need His precious Grace in my life more than I ever had before. I felt as if the only way I was going to be able to handle whatever my future held, was if I was armed with His marvelous Grace. From the beginning that is what I told Wendell and others to pray for when praying for me. I knew it may not be His will for me to fully recover, the uncertainty of my mortality has became ever so evident to me. But clothed in His Grace I knew was the only way I could handle whatever came my way, regardless of the final outcome. And Oh, how He has stood so true and faithful to His word...His promise that His Grace would be sufficient!!!! Having said all this brings me to the other reason I wanted to write this blog....After receiving my diagnosis I spent countless hours searching the web for any and all information I could find on my particular cancer. The Lord led me to a young woman's blog, that had been diagnosed with the same cancer, in almost the exact same spot as mine. She had recorded just about every aspect of her physical journey. This was such a blessing to me, it allowed me to more fully understand what I would be facing. Later, my computer got a virus and I lost a lot of the information I had stored. I have spent countless hours since, trying to find her blog again but have been unsuccessful. Her blog was such a help and blessing to me because this particular type of cancer is so rare. It is hard to find much information on it and even harder to find first hand accounts of people who have been diagnosed and went through treatment for it. For this reason I have wanted to keep a very detailed account of my experience in the hope of being a help to anyone diagnosed in the future. My real hope is to put both of these reasons together and be a help and blessing to others by sharing not only my physical journey but my spiritual one also. Not only do I wish to convey what this diagnosis entailed for me physically, the surgeries, treatments, side effects, etc... It is also my great desire to give God the glory for all He has done for my family and I, as we sometimes walked and often times crawled down this unexpected path we found ourselves on. How that no matter what we may face, we can always stand on God's promise that His Grace will be sufficient. There will Be Grace!!!!
When diagnosed almost two years ago, searching the web, I found a web site created by a man, Dennis, who was an oncology nurse and cancer survivor. He has set up his web site to list the various individual cancer blog sites he has found or been led to and to categorize them under titles of different cancer types. This site has been a tremendous blessing to me and countless others who have been diagnosed with cancer. It gives us a place to go to read others experiences with the form of cancer we have been diagnosed with. I finally emailed him this past weekend thanking him for the hard work he has put into his site and to also ask about adding my site to his list. It was exciting to hear back from him and to learn that he has added my blog to his list of Head and Neck cancers and has also reprinted my email on his home page, dated November 22, 2010 and titled "Cancer Site Kudos". I found this "expanded" opportunity to share not only my cancer experience but also my first hand experience of the precious, wonderful, marvelous Grace of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, with others, so exciting!!!!
For those who might be interested or are facing cancer themselves, his site is http://beingcancer.net/

My Winter "Dread".

Well, I have no problem proclaiming my LOVE for summer, but have debated on whether or not it's ok to talk about my winter "dread". I guess it's the thought of the long months of being couped up in the house, I hate being cold. I find it incredibly hard to function when I am cold. I already miss taking walks in the evening, sitting by the pool for hours with the girls and all the other fun things that automatically go along with summer. It really hasn't even been all that cold yet, but my winter "dread" has already set in. It's almost as if with daylight savings time and setting back the clocks, my emotional clock gets set back too. When the sun shines bright, it is so easy to have happy thoughts, but when the days are dark and dreary it seems easier to let the unhappier side of things take over and I find myself thinking on some of the unpleasant things that have happened, more often than I normally would.

I really, really, miss my Mom these days. When she was living, I know I got caught up with my life, family and obligations that I didn't see or speak to her as often as I should have. But all I had to do was pick up the phone and she was there. Now that opportunity no longer exists, it is hard to deal with at times. When I needed a recipe or just cooking advice in general she was there. When I couldn't remember details of something, she would. Just the simple little things is what I miss so much. Losing my Mom so sudden and so unexpectedly and battling cancer has brought me mentally to a point where I haven't been before. The uncertainties of life have became so much more evident in my mind than ever before. It has caused me to realize, even more, how so many things I may have dwelt on, or wasted time worrying over, are so insignificant in the scheme of things.

I kind of thought that once you went through the treatments and were declared "cancer free" all was good. What I have learned is, once you have had cancer, you are never completely rid of all the cancer cells in your body. They are still there, in a sense "travelling" through your body, you just hope and pray they don't stop and take up residence!!! So, I realize, now more than ever before, how fragile my life really is.

Sometimes it even becomes scary and somewhat depressing to be happy. Which I am. Happier and more content than I have ever been in my....um...well...lets just say... some where over thirty years on this earth!!! But get this, I find myself, in my winter "dread", battling depression over being happy!!!! Afraid of being "too" happy, afraid "the other shoe will drop". Like I said, it is so much easier to stay positive when the sun is shining bright, warming my heart and soul but a bit harder to fight the crazy depression that can linger in the back of my mind when the sky is cold and dreary.

I don't mean to sound all doom and gloom in this blog but just want to be honest in what I say. I always welcome input from others, by way of blog comments or email, who may or may not be feeling the same way. I know that we all have our own unique path to walk. We all have our own way of coping and dealing with the things we face in this life. I know so many others may not have dealt with cancer but are dealing with other issues that I have never had to face. Even though the issues may not be identical they can generate the same emotions. Emotions that can leave us feeling drained and somewhat down if we let ourselves think of and dwell on them.

On top of all the things I have already mentioned, I also face the quilt of feeling even the slightest bit of unease or depression when the Lord has blessed me far beyond anything I could ever begin to deserve. For the most part I feel like one of the luckiest and most blessed women on earth. I love my husband and kids more than I could ever begin to express and know I have never done anything worthy of deserving the family God has blessed me with. It's funny but I don't question the bad things that have happened because I know even though I may not like them or understand them, God is in control and has a reason for all He allows to happen in my life. The funny part is I question what I have ever did to deserve His countless blessings on me.

I realize this particular blog post may seem scattered and hard to truly understand what I am thinking or trying to convey. I guess the short of it is... I write all the time about the goodness of God and how he has blessed me beyond measure. I know it is through His precious Grace I have came through all that has transpired in my life. When I have had pain or have been scared, He has been there picking me up, supporting, and even carrying me when I had no strength to walk. Oh, the true joy there is in knowing and belonging to Him. The sweet peace that can come with communing with Him. I can't express how good He has been to me and my family. He has brought great peace in the midst of a raging storm. But having said all this, if I am going to be honest in my blogging then I feel as if I need to talk also about the depression I find myself fighting at times. The reason for talking about it is...if others read this blog and wonder why they are doing everything right but are experiencing depression and they feel as if it has somehow eluded me, rest assured it has not. For the most part I am upbeat and am able to cope and deal with the things that have happened, but I am not exempt from feeling the mental pain and anguish that comes along, walking this path. I do have to "fight" the feelings of depression to keep them at bay and from overtaking me. I do have times when the depression starts to wash over me and I know if I give in or succumb to those feelings I could find myself falling into a deep dark abyss that would be incredibly hard to climb back up and out of.

As I have already mentioned, I love getting input from others, by blog comments or email, who are experiencing some of the same emotions. I guess it helps me to talk to and with others about walking this road of life. I have learnt so much on my journey. One of the things that I now know is, we all have our own unique path to walk in this life. The things we encounter on this journey may be of different origin but the emotions our journey invokes (especially as women) are so similar. The issues may be different but our human emotions and heartbreaks are all so similar and we can learn so much by watching and listening to others and seeing and hearing how they cope and deal with the hardships in life.

A Few Health Issues

Two posts in less than two weeks, what am I thinking? I don't know, I guess I am just in the mood to talk these days, LOL!!!!

One of the reasons I have written this blog, besides keeping everyone informed in the hopes of generating prayer for myself along the way :) Is because this cancer is so rare, when I was diagnosed I could only find one other blog of someone with this cancer in almost the exact spot orally that mine was and reading her blog helped prepare me for what was to come. Since then her blog has disappeared, I'm not quite sure why, but anyway I have always thought that chronicling my experiences here might be a help to someone in the future, if they too found themselves walking this path. Now that I have came through all the surgeries and all the treatments and still wake up every morning to share the days with my family, I feel so blessed that when most people ask how I am doing I reply with "wonderful" and tell them how the Lord has truly blessed me. It is because of His blessings on me that I hate to seem as if I am complaining about my health now, so that is why I haven't mentioned much about the physical problems I have been experiencing. In thinking over all this lately, I realized that in order to be a help to someone else I needed to keep chronicling my heath "woes" and the solutions.

I guess most people can clearly understand that when a person has battled cancer, from then on any health issue, no matter how minor it probably is, can send fear radiating down your spine until you have been reassured that it is not the cancer back, rearing it's nasty head again!!!!

A month or so ago I woke up in the middle of the night with an excruciating ear ache and a high fever. Not wanting to drive all the way to Nashville, to see my ENT, I went to my Radiology Oncologist who was willing to see me and prescribed some pretty potent antibiotics. After two weeks I was still no better, although the pain was somewhat better, I was still deaf in my left ear. Because Dr. Netterville had to remove my Eustacia tube during my original surgery my ears do not drain normally thus I am at an increased risk of having ear infections. My Oncologist referred me to an ENT in Knoxville to get the ear infection under control. After a few more days on antibiotics my ear returned to normal. About a week after curing the ear infection, I had a large lump come up on my neck on the right side. Needless to say I was once again terrified that the cancer was back, so once again I headed to the new ENT!!! He prescribed more antibiotics and also took a culture to send off. I got those results back last week. He said it had nothing to do with my cancer (Yeah!!!!) but was a pretty bad bacteria infection. I am now on my second round of antibiotics for this infection.

Before this cancer I was blessed with good health. Other than having my kids, or needing stitches due to an accident I never went to the doctor. Now it seems as if my week is just not complete without sitting in at least one doctors office!!!!!

About six months ago I began experiencing bone pain. I would wake up in the mornings hurting all over. Even my fingers and toes ached!!! It has gotten progressively worse over the last few months. It has become so bad on some days I just couldn't seem to function. I would get out of bed and go straight to my medicine bottle and then straight to my recliner where I would spend most of the day. I would rate the level of pain at a 7 or 8 on most days. I was taking so much Tylenol that I have became afraid of doing damage to my liver. Not only has the physical pain gotten to an almost unbearable point, but the mental stress of feeling so bad was really beginning to take its toll on me. I have never been a lazy person. Before cancer I would only sleep about four hours a night and while awake, would not stop. I was very productive. I know I will never be back to pre-cancer health and energy but would at least like to aspire to half of what I was before!!!!So I finally broke down and made another doctors appointment and went to see my family doctor last week. I was nervous going in because I felt as if I was on my last resort, that if I didn't get help from him there was going to be no relief from this pain. Physically I look very well, just to look at me, if you didn't know my history, you would not think anything was physically wrong with me. I have no outward sign of the inward pain I am feeling. I had been on the Internet researching the Chemo I had been given, to see if bone pain was a side effect. According to what I read, a lot of people who were given one of the chemo drugs I was given were experiencing bone pain two and three years out, but some of their oncologists were not convinced that the pain was related to the drug. So needless to say I was afraid my doctor would not understand and I would be unable to get any relief. My fears were quickly put to rest!!! He understood and even sympathized!!! He said that not only could it be partly the result of the chemo drugs but he also felt I was more than likely experiencing neuropathic pain. He explained several ways we could attack the pain and has started me on a few things he thinks will help. I was so thrilled he understood and had options for me, I could have shouted right there in his office!!!! On the down side he explained that this pain was something I would more than likely always have to deal with and there is a great possibility that over time it will get worse not better. Oh well, I just want to deal with today. I don't have the energy to deal with tomorrow's "possibilities"!!!LOL!!! I have learned to take one day at a time!!!! It's only been about a week since my visit to my family doctor but I am feeling some relief from the pain already, however my energy level is still pretty low. I know I need to wait a few more days before coming to any conclusions as to whether or not we are on the right track. I just thank God that He answered my prayer and my doctor understood!!!