Well my wondering mind has been put to rest over one concern I have had...I have often wondered what would happen if I needed to have dental work done....since my mouth will only open about a half an inch, I have had a hard time understanding how anything could possibly be done. I broke a tooth, about six months before my cancer diagnosis, it hurt for a couple of days then quit and I hadn't had any problem with it since. Because of my lifelong TERROR of dentist's and oral surgeries I just let it go!!! That terror has kept me from going to a dentist for 30 years now!!! Funny how things work sometimes huh!!! Of all the types of cancers to acquire, mine would be oral!!! LOL!!! I have to admit I no longer have a fear of dentists, needles or even the relatively simple surgery to remove a tooth!!!! Anyway, the weekend before Easter that tooth began aching so bad it brought me to tears!!! I ate pain meds like candy all weekend and went to a dentist first thing Monday morning. He was unable to do anything, so he referred me to an oral surgeon and assured me he would be able to help me. Long story short, the oral surgeon has assured me he will be able to remove the tooth, he will shave it off first to create more room and that should allow him enough room to remove the roots. YEAH!!!! He prescribed antibiotics for me but agreed with my desire to wait until after my PET Scan to do the surgery. I don't want anything questionable to show up on the PET Scan, so, I will not have the tooth removed until next Tuesday April 13th.
I had a PET Scan yesterday and will go today at 1:15 for the results. I have to admit it is a little nerve racking waiting to hear the results. I know the drill....I do ok until... I get into the exam room...waiting on the Doctor...then I become a nervous wreck!!! During this time...Wendell likes to talk...about the weather, the store, and a million other topics, that seem at that point in time unimportant to me! LOL!!! I on the other hand don't like to talk, I just want to sit there being a nervous wreck until the doctor comes in and declares me CANCER FREE!!!! Oh well, I guess we all have our different ways of dealing with things!!! I wonder if this process will ever become easier? It's so wierd going to different appointments and seeing the signs outside the buildings and on the office doors that declare those particular buildings some form of "Cancer" centers. I had an overwhelming since of hate wash over me yesterday for that word, when I saw it on the door I was fixing to enter. The emotion surprised me, but I couldn't help it. It is a wierd sensation when that is no longer just a word to you but a part of your life, day in and day out, you never really get away from it. Uncertainty is the forefront thought. Then I walk in these places and see others, mostly older than myself, in different stages of treatments. Sometimes you have to fight really hard not to lose your joy. Seeing so many others around you suffering, is something hard to forget or place in the back portion of your mind. It's funny how "Cancer" has a look. You become able to spot it even from a distance.
My hair is getting really thick but not very long. The look is one that I have not been very fond of!!! I thought about going to a stylist to see if they could do anything to make it look better, but the thought of them cutting one single hair sends shivers down my spine!!!!LOL!!! So I got the moose bottle out the other day and applied it generously:) The look is different!!! I laughingly refered to it as "My Ellen Degenerous" look!!! (Because of my broad shoulders and boyish build I have never liked short hair on me. I feel like it makes me look manly!!!) Now Wendell and the girls no longer refer to me as "Mom" they now call me Ellen!!! They always know how to bring my joy back!!! Whether it's mocking my speech or making fun of my weight, or hair, or my sometimes surprisingly emotional state, they have a way of bringing laughter back into my life!!! They are a huge part of my joy in this world!!!! I couldn't have survived without them!!!
If you have a spare moment today please say a little prayer for me and Wendell. What ever the results I know God's amazing grace will be sufficient.