Tuesday, April 5, 2011

The Finale: Part 5 of Post # 200 To Our Annonymous Gift Giver

This is the last post I want to write dealing with the subjects I have been talking about in all of my "Post #200's". I am writing this post mainly because I have things I want to say to whom ever our Anonymous gift giver is. We still have no idea who you are, and I don't even know if you are someone who reads my blog. But I want to be able to try and let you know what you and your gift has meant to me and my family. I do fear, however, our gratitude is going to be something hard to put into words. The cancer journey and all it became was not an easy road to walk. My family reached the lowest point we had ever been during this time. We were, so many times, physically and emotionally drained. There were several times when I didn't even have or know the words to speak when praying, all I could do was kneel, cry and trust. But through it all God's precious grace was ever present and so real in our lives. At the time I was going through all the surgeries, treatments and side effects I was able to make it one day at a time, and at the time it was hard, but God's grace made it all "do-able". It is harder, looking back now, than it ever was when I was going through it, to understand how in the world I made it through some of those days. Coming out of this journey with my life and with my family still together was all I wanted and was way more than I deserved!!!! To have the indescribable blessing of coming out of all of this, left with only a small portion of the financial obligations we would have been facing, is UNBELIEVABLE!!!!! After our insurance had finally paid their portion, we were going to be left, (at that time, not counting the continual visits and bills), we were going to be left facing over twenty five thousand dollars in medical bills. I had felt a lot of guilt over being the one to generate and place these bills and this burden on my family. Paying monthly payments, in amounts that we would have been able to pay, would have left us paying on these bills, realistically, for probably over twenty years to come!!!!! The creditors had began calling and asking us if they lowered the amounts we owed, substantially, if we would be able to pay the new amount in full, thus allowing them to close their books on our account before the end of the year. Having the gift you gave us allowed us to be able to say yes and to pay the new and much lower amounts. Had we not have received your gift we would have not had the financial means to pay these lowered amounts in full and would have been left owing the total amounts originally charged. That's how the ten thousand actually "paid" twenty five thousand in bills. It is hard to come to terms with what you have done for us. I have no idea how or why you decided to give us this gift other than the fact that I will always believe it was God. God working on your heart and in your willingness to be used of Him to help us in a great way. I do wonder, just because the "workings" of God are so fascinating, what all transpired in you making the decision to give us this gift. Anyway, I just want to tell you how your gift is, by far, the BIGGEST blessing we have and will probably ever receive. It was sooo unexpected. I will, for the rest of my life, have the memory of sitting at my kitchen table, sick, fatigued, bald headed, skinny as a rail, with a nauseated stomach but wanting to shout the PRAISES of an almighty God for the whole world to hear, armed with my check book and a huge stack of bills, and being able to write check after check to pay these bills "in full" as the tears fell uncontrollably. I have done nothing to ever deserve, and can in no way ever repay, this incredible kindness. I am still in awe of the goodness God has placed in your heart!!! Why you would think so much of me and my family to give us such an amazing gift is more than I can begin to understand. Even with the kind of heart God has placed in you to be so giving, it's unbelievable that I would be the one on the receiving end of that kindness, when there are so many other worthy places you could have chosen to give. "Thank-You" is extremely inadequate but all I have at this point to give in return. You have no idea what you have done for me and my family. You have no idea the burden you have lifted from our shoulders. You have no idea how you have made our lives so much easier as a result of not having the financial burden of those medical bills, hanging, like an ever present dark cloud, over our heads. It is incomprehensible how we are able to "operate" financially as well post cancer as we did pre-cancer. An unexpected medical burden can easily wipe families out financially and put them in a place of deep distress. Because of your wonderful, amazing gift to my family this is a burden we do not bear. Because of you, and what you chose to do for me and my family, our lives have been made so incredibly easier!!!! Because of you, we are still able to provide the things we have in the past to our family. Because of you, our lives have been enriched in many, many ways. Because of you, Wendell and I have been able to relate to our children how God, through His infinite Wisdom and Mercy, is always there for us through the storms of this life. How, He may allow bad things to happen, but He uses these things to work for our good. We are able to relate to our kids how incredible blessings can be received in the middle of some of the biggest and most difficult phases of our lives. I have felt from the beginning of this journey that the saddest thing that could happen would be for my family and I to go through this with our eyes and ears closed, not hearing or seeing what it is God is wanting us to see and hear and learn and know. Being able for our girls to not only see the tragic and bad side of things that happen but to also show them that God shows up in unimaginable, unexpected ways, sometimes in the midst of storms, through His people, is a lesson we are so grateful you have helped them to see and hear and learn. I don't know who you are, but I do believe that God has given you the heart you have. I believe God used, a willing you, to be a huge blessing to me and Wendell and our children. I believe and pray that God will repay you a hundredfold for being this blessing to us. I have no way of ever personally repaying you, even if I knew who you are, I don't have the means. In the past, Wendell and I have tried to be a blessing to others who we would know were in need. We have never been rich of course, LOL!!! But the Lord has always allowed us to have jobs and health to work and make ends meet and we have always tried to consider those who would be going through rough times. I want you to know we hope to be on our feet and once again be able to be there for others as God directs our path in the future. I just want you to know that your gift to us was not received without thinking of what it means. I want you to know that we did not receive it with an ungrateful or unthoughtful heart. We have a great desire to be able to be the kind of blessing you have been to us, to others as God directs and allows us to be. I hope that even though thank you is all I have to give to you in return at this point, knowing all this, lets you know we hope to not ever let your gift to us, be in vain. As I have said, I don't have any idea who you are and I don't know if you read my blog so I am going to print this post and put it in a stamped envelope and give it to Bro. Jones and ask him if at all possible that he find your address and mail this to you. If you don't read my blog, http://www.therewillbegrace.blogspot.com/ , you do not know the other posts I have written leading up to this one and telling of how God has worked in our hearts and lives in the past regarding a monetary amount of $10,000.00. I hope if you haven't already, you will in the future, read these posts so as to understand how God has chose to work in incredible ways in my and Wendell's life regarding $10,000.00 and how we feel as if your gift is, in a way, a continued version of this work. Once again as inadequate as it may sound, we Thank-You from the bottom of our hearts for your gift to us. I hope this post has let you know somewhat of what it has meant to Wendell, our kids and myself. We pray that God has and will continue to bless you over and over again!!! Well this post finaly ends "post #200" or does it?.................LOL!!!

1 comment:

Karen Crabtree said...

Debbie & Wendell,
it is wonderful when the Lord works through people to help others. What a blessing!!!