Well, it has been a pretty eventful couple of weeks!!! Saturday, a week ago, we had Stephanie, Michael, Papaw Tom, and Granny & Papaw Ruppe over for dinner. Wendell cooked tacos, which I can not eat very well, so I had a bagel instead!!! About an hour after everyone left, I began to feel very nauseous. I had acquired my first stomach virus since well before my cancer in 2009. I have been afraid of getting a virus because my mouth will only open about a half an inch. I have been terrified that if I began to vomit I would asphyxiate and choke to death!!! Well, my fears have been put to rest!!! I am proud to announce that I can successfully vomit!!!! I was sick all night Saturday night and most of the day Sunday. After throwing up, the right side of my face, cheek, teeth, bones and gums hurt so bad I was unable to function. I sat in the house, in my recliner, all week, in tears off and on because of the pain. I do have some medication to help with pain but it wasn't even dulling it!!! Wendell had made me an appointment in Oak Ridge on Friday, at the Hypoberic Oxygen Treatment Facility (HBO). To try and make a long story short.....My teeth are all rotten because of the radiation. I need to have HBO treatments and then have all my teeth pulled and then get implants. I can not get dentures because I am missing a lot of bone and gum from my previous cancer surgeries. The total cost for the things I need to have done is in the neighborhood of $30,000.00. I do not have dental insurance. My health insurance is refusing to pay for the things I need to have done because they are saying it is dental not medical, even though it was medical issues that have caused the problems. (Just as a footnote, we pay $679.00 per month for this wonderful medical insurance!!!!) Anyway, Wendell has been working feverishly with the doctors and insurance trying to appeal their decision not to cover these expenses. PLEASE help us pray that they will have a change of heart and pay for the things I need done. My teeth are so rotten that I am in continuous pain and find it hard to function. Without the HBO treatments and the work I need done, my jaw bone is, and will continue, to deteriorate. If I do not get these things done soon they will have to take bone from my hip to replace my jaw bone at which point it will be considered medical and will cost my insurance some where in the neighborhood of a half a million dollars!!!! Not to mention the added pain I will endure!!!! It only makes logical since that they would cover the work now instead of waiting to the point where it will take extreme measures and dollars to fix the problem!!! Please help us pray. Wendell had me scheduled for an appointment in Oak Ridge at the HBO facility last Friday, for a consultation and to get them on board writing letters to help with my insurance appeal. I was in so much pain that I at times could not hold back the tears. The Oral surgeon that is willing to do the implants has his office in Oak Ridge. After leaving the HBO place I asked Wendell to take me to the oral surgeons office to see if maybe it was just one tooth causing me all the pain right now, and maybe he could somehow help me with the pain. I couldn't imagine going through another day in so much pain. I was at my breaking point. The oral surgeon took x-rays and determined that although my teeth are in terrible shape, there is something showing up in my sinuses on the right side where I am having all the pain. He said he has no ideal what it is. I asked if if could be cancer and he said yes. He said that I need to go back to Nashville to see Dr. Netterville as soon as possible. Wendell called Nashville and Dr. Netterville is out of the country and won't be back for three weeks. They said I could come out there and go through the ER and one of Dr. Netterville's colleagues would see me that way. Well, I could not have imagined driving all the way to Nashville and then sitting in the ER for hours waiting to be seen when I was in so much pain, and at that point, mental anguish!!! So I ended up taking my x-rays and going to see my family doctor that afternoon. He said there is no way of telling exactly what is showing up in my sinuses without doing a CT scan. For now he prescribed me more antibiotics and something to help with the pain. His theory is....(pretty gross)....When I was throwing up, some of my stomach content could have gotten into my sinus cavity. I was in so much pain I failed to ask how it would come out!!! Wendell asked a nurse that came in the store and she told him, it will get (or is) infected and the antibiotics will help clear up the infection and the contents will rot and eventually drain.

Yes, I Am Alive

Yes, I am still alive!!!!
I realize I haven’t written here in quite a long time. I have thought about writing many times, I have had much to say and to talk about. I have even been given topics of discussion from loved ones….such as what a wonderful sister in law I have!!!! (Which I do) I will leave it to the imagination as to who suggested that topic!!!!
The truth is…I have always been truthful here, as I have written about how I was living and feeling. I have been in a place for the last three months or so where I have been afraid to write honestly about what I have been feeling. So I have chosen to remain silent and not write here about my feelings.
I have not been in a good place. I have been in a place of deep depression or more accurately a place of grieving. The reason I had chosen not to write about it here was for fear I would be judged harshly by those that might not understand. I know there are some that would feel as if I should just “Get over it” “You are alive “ “how in the world could you be depressed” and worst of all “why are you not praying and trusting God”. Well, to answer some of these thoughts before they are voiced here….Believe me I have prayed, but I know God sometimes allows us to go through these valleys for a reason. He doesn’t always choose to lift us out and set us on sunny ground. Sometimes He chooses to let us walk there for our good and His Glory in the end. I know that there are times that we go through things that we don’t understand, but that help us later on in life with things we face. This may also just be a dark time in my life to help teach me compassion for others when they walk the same or a similar path.

Sometimes we just need to grieve our loss. Yes, I have been blessed beyond measure in many, many, ways over the past few years. I fought and was given life back. The life I was given back, to me is far from the life I knew before. Yes, I am alive and getting to be here with my family, for which I am immeasurably thankful!!!! But my life has changed and I have had a lot of losses that I had not faced up to because of the fight for my life that now I have been forced to recognize. I have had more loss in the last couple of years than I have ever had in my life.
I feel as if I am emerging now from the throws of this grief and depression. I have certainly not fully emerged…but I am definetly on my way up!!! I am at a place now where I feel as if I can share my experiences here with you. So that is what I really hope to do in the coming days.

So just to update you…This is where I have been and why I have been silent here on this blog. I now plan to divulge what I have been going through in future posts here. So, If you are interested…stay tuned…I do have things to say.


15 Mine eyes are ever toward the LORD; for he shall pluck my feet out of the net.
16 Turn thee unto me, and have mercy upon me; for I am desolate and afflicted.
17 The troubles of my heart are enlarged: O bring thou me out of my distresses.
18 Look upon mine affliction and my pain; and forgive all my sins.
19 Consider mine enemies; for they are many; and they hate me with cruel hatred.
20 O keep my soul, and deliver me: let me not be ashamed; for I put my trust in thee.
21 Let integrity and uprightness preserve me; for I wait on thee.
22 Redeem Israel, O God, out of all his troubles.
Psalms 25:15-22 KJV

All Is Good!

It was 11:00 p.m. when we returned home last night, sorry the update has taken awhile! Thanks to those who were concerned and called or texted!!!! Friends sure can make your days better!!!! Dr. Netterville said that they do not know why, but some flaps (reconstruction sight) get irritated. They have no idea why this happens to some patients, but that is what has happened to me. It is not cancer, or my concern, pre-cancer!!! If it has not gotten better in a few months I am suppose to make another appointment, but for now ALL IS GOOD!!! He did a very thorough exam which was nice and reassuring that nothing is going on that I might be unaware of.

Heading Back To Nashville.

Well, there is still no change on the inside of my mouth. I still have the junk going on. I went back to the ENT in Knoxville this past week. He is not sure what it is, he does not think it is the cancer returning, but he does not want to do a biopsy on the reconstructed sight himself and said he would feel more comfortable if I went back to Nashville. Wendell made me an appointment for Monday evening at Vanderbilt with Dr. Netterville. I REALLY dread making the trip, but want to know what this is, so I guess we will go. My appointment is not until 4:30 Central time which is 5:30 our time. It will be late when we get back but I will try to update here as soon as I can.

Wendell's cousins, 21 year old daughter, had a very bad wreck two weeks ago today. She has been in a coma at UT Hospital since that time. Some people in our community put together a chili supper and auction benefit for her last night. It was an AMAZING sight to see all the people who turned out to support her!!!!! They raised over $6,000.00 on the chili supper and over $4,000.00 on the auction!!!! The people in our little rural community are some of the most amazing people on earth!!!! Wendell was asked to speak on behalf of the family and one of the things he said was the cream rises to the top!!!! Boy, is that the truth when speaking of the people here in Oakdale and the surrounding areas!!! I am so proud to be a member of this community, the people here are just small town, hard working, farming people. To see how they come together to raise up and support those in need around them is truly inspiring!!!! Please help us to pray for Rachel and her family. Her life verse is Romans 8:28 KJV "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."

Bacteria Infection????

Well it has been a week, today, since I went to the ENT's office in Knoxville. There is no change in the appearance on the inside of my mouth. The left half of my mouth is still covered in red and white patches. I called yesterday to get the results of the swab test and the nurse called back to say I have thrush and also a bacteria infection. She called in more medicine to treat the bacteria infection, which I started taking tonight. I am still sceptical of the diagnosis...I guess we will see in a few days if there is any improvement.

There Is A Mess In There!!!!

For a week or more now, I had thought from time to time that I needed to "check my mouth", you know, look in it to see if anything weird is going on. I would always have these thoughts when it wasn't convenient. To look in my mouth I have to find my glasses, put on my glasses, search for a flashlight, and then look in my mouth!!!! I finally went through all the troublesome steps Wednesday, after thinking about it again and knowing it had been several weeks since I have looked. I really wasn't expecting to see what I saw!!! There is a mess in there!!!! I don't know what it is, but it scared me silly seeing it!!!! The complete left half of my mouth, from the roof on down, is covered in a red and white mess!!! It appears to be just under the lining. Needless to say, I checked my mouth repeatedly the rest of the day, hoping it would all go back to normal....but it didn't. Thursday, I called the ENT in Knoxville that I have seen a few times and luckily, or rather prayerfully, they had just had a cancellation and could work me in at 2:30. Wendell and I had planned to go to Knoxville anyway, so this worked out perfectly for us. They took me back almost immediately, which was a big relief when I was feeling so stressed, however, once back in the exam room we waited almost an hour for the doctor to come in. He asked why I was there and I explained the situation and how the sight of anything unusual can send me into a semi-panicked uncertainty!!! He was very understanding and immediately took a look. His response was..."Well, I'm not sure what it is but I don't think it is cancer. I've seen a lot of cancer. It's not cancer." It's amazing how a few words can make or break your feelings!!! He asked if it hurts, which it does not. He said he thought it might be thrush, (Which I have had plenty of times before, and hasn't looked exactly like this, and has always hurt). He took a swab, and wrote me a prescription to begin treating me for thrush. He said it would take a week to get the results from the swab. Nothing actually mattered after..."It's not cancer!!!" The medicine he prescribed is swish and swallow and a pill, I am suppose to take one a week for four weeks. I haven't seen any improvement yet but taking only one a week for four weeks, I am not sure how quickly I will see improvement. This, I know, is just one of the perks to having had cancer!!! Anything out of the ordinary, in my mouth, can send me into a panicked uncertainty. This is the second time, since finishing treatment two years ago, that I have faced this uncertainty. The last time we drove back to Nashville to be told the bone was showing through the gum!!! So far, nothing life threatening!!!LOL!!!!

Our Hearts Are Broken, We Love You Gordon!!!

I want to begin today's post by sharing a little information about our family with those who may not know us personally. Wendell and I own the only business, a convenient store, gas station and deli, in our small rural town. It is not just a business to us, a way to earn a living and support our family, it is a huge part of our lives. From the time we opened the doors in 2003 our family started growing, not in the usual ways of marriages and births and such, but by getting to know the people in our community in a much more intimate way, like family. Wendell was raised here so he knew pretty much everyone for miles around already, but not in ways that having the store has evoked. Those, who under normal circumstances, were friendly acquaintances, have become like part of our family. There are many, many people, that we see every day as they stop by the store to pump their gas or get their tenderloin biscuit on their way to work. There are those that come in every day and sit at the counter as we prepare their food and talk. We share our thoughts and feelings with them and they share theirs with us. We have become like family to them and they to us. We worry when they don't show up as usually expected and call to make sure their ok. They bring their newborn babies in to meet us for the first time and we get the privilege of watching them grow. We giggle, laugh and rejoice together. We cry together. We pray for each other. We are so blessed to have the opportunity to be a part of so many peoples lives and to have them be a part of ours. We actually see and speak with people more often than their "real" families do in a lot of instances. We are blessed with an abundance of friends!!!!
We received a phone call Sunday evening that just sent us into shock. One of our precious friends left this life suddenly and so unexpectedly. Gordon Powers was found dead in his home by concerned friends, Sunday evening. He had not been feeling well and apparently was the victim of a heart attack. Wendell has known Gordon his whole life, the rest of our family got to know and love Gordon through the store. Gordon was sooo special to each member of our family. Stephanie, Jessica, Punky, Kiah, Wendell and I are all in shock and heartbroken at the loss of someone so loved by each one of us. Gordon loved our family and was such an inspiration to each one of us individually. He always had loving kind words of encouragement for us. We have each spent so much time talking to and sharing the joys or burdens of our hearts with him. He always found a way to lift our spirits and to make each one of us feel special. He was such an encouragement to my kids and I. He worried, and more importantly, Prayed for me constantly when I was sick. He made sure I knew he had his church praying for me. Gordon loved his church, the families, and especially the children. He loved his son and granddaughter. Gordon always came to every important event my kids would invite him to. He would always brag on Stephanie and her love for, and willingness to follow the direction, of the Lord. He loved to tease Punky and talk about how she was just like her daddy. He was like a surrogate father to Jess, giving her advice on love and men and supporting her in the things she is doing with her life. He always bragged on Kiah, and would lift her self confidence, telling her how beautiful she was. Walking in and seeing Gordon sitting at the counter was always a mood lifting experience for me!!! No matter what kind of day I would be having he would always make me laugh and just feel good. He would walk in the door at the store and holler "Well hello good looking!!!", addressing which ever one of us women he would see, to which Wendell would always holler back "Well hello Gordon!!!" Then Gordon would have to tell Wendell "I wasn't talking to you Stupid!!!" It was their routine, one that always made us laugh even though we had heard it a million times before!!! It is a routine that will be difficult to no longer get to hear.
There is no question in my heart of where Gordon has begun spending eternity. Gordon Loved the Lord. The fruits of the spirit were evident in the life Gordon lived. We feel so privileged to have had him for a friend. We will never forget his genuine love and kindness to our family and I. We will miss him so much. He has positively effected our lives. We will one day see him again, so until then ....We love you Gordon!!! Our hearts are broken by your sudden passing. There is definitely an un-fillable void left in our hearts and lives!!!!