Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Two Years Later. He Is Still All. I Am Nothing.

Two Years ago today!!! My first cancer surgery.
My Mom had suddenly and unexpectedly passed, on Monday night at about 7:00 p.m. We spent that entire day at St. Mary's Hospital in Knoxville, hoping for a miracle, but it was not the Lord's will. He was ready for her and called her home that evening.
Wendell and I left the hospital in Knoxville, drove home to Oakdale, packed our bags and headed out to Nashville. I'll never forget that drive. So many emotions, yet feeling so numb.
We spent the night in a hotel, rose early, and arrived at Vanderbilt at about 6:00 am. We had checked, under the circumstances, on postponing my surgery. The cancer had already grown quite a lot and if I postponed, it would be another month before they would be able to reschedule me. The family insisted I go ahead with the surgery and we had Mom's funeral that weekend when I got out of the hospital.
That was the beginning of our journey and what I think of as "our cancer year". Pretty much everything in our lives, that year, 2009, revolved around fighting my cancer. It was a hard year and one I hope to never repeat, but God was faithful and merciful to my little family and we came through it all with a stronger love and bond. He taught me many lessons that year. When I was going through the radiation and chemo I was so fatigued and sick quite often, that I had plenty of time to "Be Still And Know That He Is God!!!" He brought me quickly to the point of relying solely on Him and knowing He is in control. I realized more than ever before how He is ALL and I am nothing. I know to some it may sound crazy, but if I could have changed the year of cancer, I would not. The closeness and communion that came from relying every minute on His Grace, brought unimaginable Peace to my heart and soul. That experience was heart changing and one I would NEVER change if I could. The guidance He provided was, I know, a direct result of all the prayers that were going up on my behalf from all of you. Some, I still to this day, do not know personally, but took the time to think and pray for me. I am forever humbled and grateful for that. There were so many times when God made the direction I was to take crystal clear. There was one time, I will forever regret, that He made His will clear to me, yet I did not heed His will and went the way my Doctors were suggesting. I know, for that, I suffered things I would not if I had had the courage to stand my ground. Anyway, there are some things that the Lord has done for me and my family through this experience that I have yet to tell here, but plan on sharing when I feel it is His will that I do so.

2010 I feel was my "year of recovery". I spent most of 2010 recovering from all the treatments and gaining some energy back. 2010 was filled with many Doctor visits and several scares. I began, once again, to live my life.

Now, here I am, two years later!!! Still living my life and loving my little family. God has been sooo good to me. So many others with my diagnosis, have not had the same outcome. I am definitely not the same person I was prior to two years ago and hearing those words "You have cancer." I have definitely changed mentally and physically. I deal daily with health issues I didn't have before. I have to admit, it is not always easy to deal with these symptoms and I am still trying to investigate and get to the bottom of what my body is trying to tell me. But I am soo grateful to be here, and know that it is a direct response to those prayers that went up for me.
I thank-you for helping me to have life and to live.


Karen Crabtree said...

I am happy you are here too!! You have been through alot and I am glad you have had the strength mentally and physically. I have witnessed watching you, what I thought was near death, but you made it through it all. Wendell has really stood by you and tried to do whatever he could to help. Whether it was fixing mashed potaoes or driving you wherever he had to, to make you better. Your husband loves you very much and my family does know that from what we have witnessed.
It has been a hard two years for you and I am so thankful that I can email you this morning and know you are still here to answer.
I do thank the Lord for your recovery and the many prayers people prayed for your recovery.
We love you,
Karen & family

Stephanie said...

I second Karen's "I'm happy you are here". Who else will help me make crazy shower cakes...that turn out beautiful?

I have so named the last 3 years of my life but haven't told anyone until now. Ready for the big reveal? ...

2008--The year of the marriage
2009--The year of cancer
2010--The year of the house

I'm still waiting on a name for 2011.

Love you bunches!

Debbie said...

Thanks Karen!!! I hope you know what you and your family mean to us!!!!

Stephanie I have a great name for 2011 for you!!!!!

Karen Crabtree said...

I have a name for Stephanie for 2011 also. I bet it is the same as yours!!!

Debbie said...

Great minds think alike!!!!

Teresa said...

I'm pretty sure I know the name you two are thinking of, and I like it too!

Stephanie said...

If it rhymes with "raby" forget it!

Karen Crabtree said...

Debbie, Stephanie & Teresa,
Yes, we all think alike!!
Happy 2011!!!