I have been struggling somewhat mentally for the last week or so. I still know God is in control, I still desire His will in my life. His grace has been sufficient. But I have not felt like I have made any progress in recuperating in weeks. I have a hard knot under my chin, the left side of my face is numb and hard from the middle of my lips over which is sooo uncomfortable. It is hard to get relief from this even with the pain meds. My bottom jaw is pretty much in constant pain. And I recently found out the removal of lymph nodes is probably what’s causing the numbness. It may go away in a month, a year, five years, or never, it may be a permanent side effect. That is hard to swallow at this point. No pun intended:)
I feel more deformed after this reconstruction surgery than I did before it. I know God has allowed for this cancer to come into my life. I don’t ask why. I am not bitter. But I do miss having my good health…feeling well when I wake up…having energy to function during the day…feeling like getting out with my family…
I was reading another blog, I follow, today. It is written by the wife of an oral cancer victim. She was speaking about a sermon she had heard this week where the pastor said that “God allows us to be broken so He can rebuild us in His image”. Boy, that hit home with me!! Oh how I pray that this journey will not be in vain, that I will have my eyes open to what He wills for me to learn. How I desire to be a vessel for His use. How I desire to be rebuilt!
Once again His grace has been sufficient!!!
Bless The Lord Oh My Soul, And All That Is Within Me, Bless His Holy Name!!!!